Girls are typically found dancing in groups. Approaching in situations like these can be challenging and nerve racking. However, if you apply group theory your success rate can increase dramatically.

Group theory involves befriending the group (or set) on the dance floor. Many guys attempt to ignore the group and go straight for their target (the girl of interest). At times this can work. However, to insure success I suggest interacting with the set.

Now, I don’t mean talking to each person while dancing. Instead, for a few seconds, dance with everyone (guys excluded). Display a fun, outgoing personality. Smile but don’t be creepy. It doesn’t matter what order you dance with the target (first, middle, or last). What’s important at this point is giving just a bit of attention to her friends.

What can you do with the girls as you’re dancing? You can turn and dip them and have them do the same to you. Be careful not to be a dancing monkey for them. Don’t start clowning around, amusing them for their entertainment.

If executed properly, the group will not interfere with you when it comes time to game the target. However, just because you’ve been accepted by the set don’t think you can start making out with the girl. You still have to go through the paces of escalation.

One more thing about group theory. Using this technique is also a great way of building social proof. If you can command the attention of 4 or more girls, people around you will notice – including girls. Try practicing this on a group that you have no interest in. You are less likely to be outcome dependent and will focus more on the interaction.

Moving on, escalating on the dance floor is a necessary step to show your target interest. Many guys falter here because they don’t show intent. Some men will dance with a girl and not progress further. You can’t expect the girl to make the moves. Without escalation, she may think you’re not interested.

When escalating you’re also looking for compliance. How she reacts to your advances will tell you how to progress. Is it okay to move forward or do I need to take a step back? Some girls will easily pass compliance and let you escalate quickly while others require some work.

Keep it unoffensive at the start of escalation. Don’t start grinding and trying to make-out at the beginning. As an example, a simple turn is an easy way to start. Then you can move in a bit closer, followed by placing your hands on her waist. Again, watch for her reactions. Does she freak out when you touch her? If she’s cool with everything so far, move further. Continue by stepping into her personal space with light contact between your waists. The idea is to build intensity upon each step. Kissing or heavy petting should occur at or near the end of the escalation process.

Don’t continually escalate. Take short breaks and step back but maintain eye contact. You don’t want to convey neediness by always being connected. This is another big mistake guys will make.

If at any step during escalation you are denied, take a step back. Some girls require warming up to you. You may have to repeat earlier escalation steps before making another attempt. On the flip side, there will be instances when you can almost immediately start grinding with a girl.

In my next post I’ll cover what happens after escalation: moving the girl off the dance floor to build rapport. Don’t try to get to know the girl on the dance floor – it’s too loud and there are too many distractions. Until then, if you have any questions about what’s been covered just send me an e-mail.

I receive a lot of e-mails asking for help on approaching, sexual escalation, and moving the girl off the dance floor.  So I’m going to devote the next few posts to shedding some light on those three topics.  Let’s get started with approaching.

A common question I get asked is which direction to approach from, the side or front.  The approach technique is what determines your approach direction.  For example, if you intend on approaching a girl from behind you’re obviously not going to do this face-to-face.  Using my Matching and Mirroring technique (imitating the moves of the girl of interest, aka the ‘target’) works more effectively if the girl can clearly see you dancing like her.  In this case you’d place yourself in front of the target.

One of the easiest ways to get a girl to dance with you (and the technique I use the most) is eye contact.  Really, it’s that simple.  To do this effectively, place yourself in the vicinity of your target.  Dance near her, but not in her personal space, and gradually turn your body to face her (if you aren’t already).  Move yourself to a position where you can easily make eye contact.  Hold eye contact and be sure that you have a genuine smile on.  Even if it’s not held assume she’s interested and wants you to approach.  After eye contact is made, start moving closer to your target as you face her.  It’ll be obvious that you’re interested in dancing with her.

To solidify this, put your hands out (palms up) above waist level and make a come here gesture.  Ideally you want her to place her hands in yours, this helps to establish touching early on.  When she does give her a gentle tug towards you, moving her just a few inches but not into your personal space, and then release her hands.  It’s OK if she doesn’t touch your hands, you can always try again later.  Some girls don’t like to be touched early on and may require warming up to you.

Now what if she has a friend, or two, or three dancing with her?  Good question and in most situations girls aren’t dancing alone.  In the case of two girls (the target and a friend), dancing with the target leaves the friend out in the cold.  The friend may decide to cock block you and take the target away.  Here a wingman would come in handy and his duty would be to occupy the friend.

If there are three or more girls in the group, then dancing with your target will not leave any of the girls out – the friends can still dance with each other.  However, you still run the risk of being cock blocked by the friends.  The solution to this is using Group Theory.

Group Theory involves befriending the group (or set) and is also a great technique for building social proof.  I’ll talk in detail about Group Theory in the next post.  We’ll also get into escalation, so stay tuned!

The role of verbal game as it relates to dance floor game is a minimal one.  It’s important to remember that dance floor game is mainly a non-verbal attraction tool and not to be used for building rapport.  Rapport building or getting to know each other should occur off the dance floor.

Music is the main factor that prevents you from using verbal game and gaining rapport with the girl you’re dancing with.  Obviously, it’s too loud on the floor to hear the other person speak.  Conversation is difficult and after a few times the girl will tire of saying “What?  What did you say?”  So keep talking to a minimum.  If the girl is persistent and repeatedly asks questions then by all means answer her but know when it’s time to take her off the dance floor.  It’s likely she’s attracted to you if she’s trying to have a conversation against the music.

I’ve witnessed many guys lose a girl by trying to converse on the floor.  Girls roll their eyes or their facial expression changes from attracted to boredom.  The girls are on the dance floor to dance, not to be interviewed!

So when does verbal game really come into play?  When you’re physically escalating.  As you’re doing so, avoid making comments on the girl’s physical beauty.  Instead you can tell the girl “I like that way your body moves to the music.”  You can also comment on how the both of you interact as a couple, “You and I are the funnest couple out here!”

When you talk to the girl during escalation take the opportunity to get close to her.  Move into her space and speak with your lips near her ear, as if you’re telling her a secret.  Avoid yelling into her ear.  Depending how far into escalation you are, try placing a hand on her lower back and gently holding her against you.  You may not realize this but you are escalating when you speak to her in this manner.

Dance floor game sprinkled with some verbal game is a winning combination.  However, as I always emphasize, you really don’t have to say anything to successfully escalate.  Using body language alone can be seductive.

I’ve said it again and again: you DO NOT have to be a fantastic dancer to succeed at dance floor game.  In my 20 years of clubbing I’ve seen many guys do only basic dance moves and still get the girl.  I’m talking about make-outs, groping, grinding, and pulling off the dance floor.

So what moves were these guys doing?  For the most part they all did just a basic 2-step.  Seriously.  Nothing flashy – no moonwalking or triple spins.  What helped was the vibe they gave off.  I can tell they were having fun and weren’t self-conscious about being on the dance floor, even if all they could do was just a 2-step.

Dancing has a lot to do with body language and how you carry yourself.  Looking (as well as feeling) confident, enjoying yourself, smiling, and eye contact are all positive signs that tell a girl you’re having a great time.  Now, don’t think you can just clown around and be hysterical.  You still need to dance on beat but don’t be afraid to mix things up.  I’ll be honest, I’ll do the robot just to get a laugh out of a girl.  Sometimes the girl will even do it with me!

Here are some basic dance tips to help you look good:

1.  Stand upright and relaxed.  You shouldn’t look stiff.

2.  Avoid flailing your arms and legs around.  Being loose is good but you don’t want to be too loose.

3.  Don’t shuffle your feet along the floor.  Pick your heels off the ground.

4.  Your arms shouldn’t hang lifelessly at your side.  Think about keeping your hands above your waistline.

5.  Don’t lock your knees.

6.  If you’re going to spin a girl, don’t hold her hand with a vice grip.

Some guys may think that being a professional dancer must translate into getting tons of girls on the dance floor.  Not necessarily.  It’s possible that hundreds of hours of training can be a drawback.  Looking too good on the dance floor can make you appear intimidating and unapproachable.  This is especially true if that person isn’t smiling and appears to have a big ego.

Being able to do a simple 2-step and having attractive body language is only part of being great at dance floor game.  You still have to consider logistics, the approach, attraction, escalation and compliance, and how to get the girl off the dance floor.  Those topics are covered in depth (as well as how to 2-step) in my e-book Dance Floor Game Decoded.

I’m going to share with you a story from my early dance floor game days in hopes that you’ll not only be inspired but will also learn from my mistake.  Life, after all, is one continuous learning experience.

Maybe it was the fun vibe I was giving off as I danced that made her come over to me.  It was Halloween weekend and the Little Temple (a lounge in Los Angeles) was packed.  I was tired from dancing and took a seat next to the dance floor.  She was dancing with her girlfriend but was soon sitting next to me.  Before I could even speak a word she asks me to dance.  Does she know what she’s in for?  I should have asked myself that question.

She’s cute, Hispanic, and slender.  Within two minutes we’re doing a slow grind to the hip hop that’s thumping through the room.  Next thing I know her hands are under my shirt and she’s caressing my chest.  I pull her closer and we start kissing, which soon turns into a heavy make-out session on the dance floor.  Other than her asking to dance and exchanging names, we had not spoken a word to each other.  Our communication was occurring through body language.

It was no more than five minutes of her molesting me when she began leading me off the dance floor.  I just flowed with it since she did not appear to be drunk.  Eventually we’re out of the dance area and next to the restrooms.  “Where the fuck are we going?  Am I leading or is she?” I remember asking myself.  My hand’s in hers and she takes me quickly into the women’s restroom, locking the door behind us.  I guess she’s leading.  Some bystanders were watching and I can hear them oooing as the door closed.  It’s a single person restroom and luckily it’s clean – I have a paranoia about cleanliness.

As I’m pushed against the wall we continue making out.  Her kissing could use some work but I’m sure that’s not why we’re crammed in a tiny ass restroom.  My hand is in her panties and her hand in my underwear.  We feel each other up as my free hand begins fondling her breasts.

“Do you have a condom?” she asks.  I don’t.  I tell her that I don’t.  I just came from a Halloween party where I was dressed up like a tree with a monkey hanging from my branch.  No, I don’t have a condom.  Fuck!  Things are intensifying and she asks again, “Do you have a condom?”  I’m thinking, “Ok, if I didn’t have a condom the first time you asked is one going to magically appear in my pocket if you ask again?”  I tell her “No.”  She stops.  I stop.  She’s not upset.  “Well at least we can dance” she says and leads me out of the restroom.  She disappeared after that and the window of opportunity closed.

So let’s recap what happened.

1.  Other than me having fun on the dance floor, I made no attempt to approach this girl.  She approached me.

2.  The only conversation had was her asking me to dance and us exchanging names.  Nothing else was said before her and I got physical. Ah, the power of dance floor game!

3.  She escalated by taking me into the restroom.

4.  By not having a condom with me I wasn’t prepared to go the distance, which meant no sex for Angelo.

Herein lies the moral of this story: If you plan on having a one night stand in a nightclub restroom, car, her place, or where ever, then think ahead and pack protection my friends.  Better yet, bring condoms with you regardless because you never know when opportunity comes a knocking.  Fortune favors the prepared.

A recent college graduate is throwing his first summer party and he e-mailed me for advice on putting together a music playlist that’ll get the “party bumping and girls dancing!”  Although he accepted my offer to come and dj the party myself, I had to decline when I found out that it’s in Miami, Florida.  Damn, wish I could be there!

So here it is, songs that’ll get the party going and the girls loose

Artist / Song

Katy Perry / Last Friday Night

LMFAO / Party Rock Anthem

Nicki Minaj / Super Bass

Britney Spears / Till the World Ends

Lil Wayne / Lollipop

Lady Gaga / Born This Way

Usher / OMG

Black Eyed Peas / I Gotta Feeling

Beyonce / Single Ladies

Prince / Kiss

Justin Timberlake / SexyBack

Nelly Furtado / Promiscuous Girl

Journey / Don’t Stop Believing

Rihanna / S&M

Notorious B.I.G. / Mo Money Mo Problems

Hall & Oates / You Make My Dreams Come True

Cee Lo / Fuck You

Snoop Dogg / Sensual Seduction

Jay-Z / Can I Get A…

R. Kelly / Ignition (Remix)

What do all these songs have in common?  They’re fun!  Not only that but girls will recognize them when they hear them – they can sing along to the songs or act out the lyrics as they dance.  Familiarity, that’s key to getting girls dancing.  If you play some unfamiliar house tune or some mash-up that makes a song indistinguishable then the likelihood that girls will dance is less.

Have songs that’ll make this list even better?  Just add a comment below!

Being a designer in the fashion industry, I have a pretty good idea of what it costs to make shirts, jeans/pants, jackets, etc. That being said, I have an issue with spending alot of money on clothes (regardless of the label). Typically, they don’t cost too much to make but the mark-ups are crazy! So let’s discuss how to look good without having to break the bank – especially in today’s economy.

One of the easiest things to do is shop at discount stores like Ross, Marshalls, T.J. Maxx, DNA (located in L.A.), and Nordstrom Rack (a pricier, trendier retailer). These places usually carry name brand styles of past seasons (as well as overruns and overstock), therefore they are sold at a discount – sometimes as much as 50% or more!  Now I know what you’re thinking: “If it’s from the last season then it’s going to be out of style, right?” Wrong. Some trends last more than one season and don’t quickly go out of vogue. Remember trucker hats?  Unfortunately, that trend lasted much longer than it should have. For the record, I’m a fan of Marshalls.  Their stores usually aren’t ghetto and carry an up to date selection of clothes – they even sell Seven, Rock & Republic, and True Religion jeans!

Don’t be afraid to try flea markets, thrift, and second hand stores for great bargains. To name a few in Los Angeles: Fairfax Flea Market, Jet Rag, Aardvark’s, and Crossroads Trading Co. (tends to carry more popular designer names).

Online there are several discount sites to choose from. When I’m looking for luxury items on the cheap (e.g. Gucci loafers), then I’ll usually go this route. One of my favorite sites for this is Bluefly. If you’re not sure how to size an item that you find online (e.g. a pair of jeans or shoes), then simply go to a brick and mortar store and try on a similar item of the same brand. This way you’ll get a general idea of how it fits.

Sample or warehouse sales are another route to get good deals on past season clothing, samples, overruns, and overstock. If you live in Los Angeles or New York City these sales are everywhere. You can find sample sales for tops, bottoms, shoes, accessories, and more. Try doing an internet search for ‘sample sales’ in your area. Jean lovers, check out The Warehouse Sale. I know people that have gotten great deals from there.

For those living in Los Angeles, The California Market Center (CMC) often has samples sales throughout the year. Here’s a popular one: The Saturday Sale. There’s also Santee Alley (not a sample sale but an open-air market place) in the Fashion District that has bargains abound.  

Finally, try to shop at the end of a season. As seasons change the stores need to clear out  the racks for next season’s styles. Therefore older items are marked down. I find great deals at Macy’s at this time – as much as 60% off.

Dressing well doesn’t have to be expensive. You just need to know where and when to shop. If you’d like some store recommendations for the L.A. area, then feel free to drop me a line.

I totally advocate dancing alone. I do it all the time and encourage my students  to do so as well.  Now, don’t ignore people (especially girls) that want to dance with you. What I’m saying is if you don’t have anyone to dance with, then feel free to hit the floor solo. There is absolutely nothing wrong, odd, or uncomfortable about dancing by yourself.

Dancing is an extroverted activity and can say alot of positive things about your personality. If people see you dancing alone, smiling, and having a great time they may think you’re confident, carefree, an alpha male, fun, and outgoing. What guy wouldn’t want a girl thinking these things about him?! Which brings up another reason to dance solo: to meet chics!

I can’t count the number of times I’ve danced alone and had a girl come up to me to dance. It’s easier and less threatening for a girl to approach you if you are not dancing in a group. Put out the vibe that you’re out to have fun and people will pick up on it.  And don’t forget to smile as you’re dancing, it lets everyone know you’re enjoying yourself.

With dancing solo, strategically placing yourself on the dance floor can make it easier for girls to notice and approach you. Typically, I’ll dance on the outside perimeter of the floor.  Here I usually have more room to move and can be seen by more people (on and off the floor). I want girls to know that I’m by myself and available to dance with.

Where should you look if you don’t have a partner? If I’m dancing by myself and there is another person(s) on the floor as well, I’ll dance facing their general direction. That way I can look for approach invitations (invitations from people telling me to approach them). I don’t stare but I look in their direction, maybe looking at some point behind or around them.  When there’s no one on the floor then I’ll just look around and observe what’s going on. I won’t face the same direction for too long, I’ll turn my body and look elsewhere – at the Dj, people at the bar, standing around or sitting down. Just don’t stare. While I’m dancing I’ll also look for girls that may be watching me, potential targets to approach later.

As I mentioned earlier, dancing is an extroverted activity. Most people on the dance floor just want to have a good time and probably couldn’t care less if you’re dancing alone. So enjoy grooving on your own!

This topic came as a suggestion from James, who commented on the post “Getting to a Club Early…”  Thanks James and I hope it helps!

I’m not a big fan of having to wait too long in line (more than 10 minutes) to get into a venue. To avoid this I’ll usually arrive early so I don’t have to stand in the queue (and if I have to at least being early puts me closer to the front of the line). But this post isn’t about waiting in line. It’s about what to do when you get in early and the place is empty – especially if you’re rolling out solo.

If I’m at a club or lounge that I’ve never been to, then I’ll familiarize myself with the place. This is important because if you have the intent of meeting a girl or moving her off the dance floor you’ll need to know where to take her.  It’s not a good idea to wander aimlessly through the club with her. Doing this may make her uncomfortable and she just may change her mind about being with you.

With that in mind, I’ll map out the place in my head: where can we sit and talk where it’s not too loud; is there anywhere to sit that’s not reserved for bottle service; if I need to get a drink, is there a bar that doesn’t get as busy; is there an outdoor patio to cool off and get some air; is there something in the club that would be cool to show the girl. You get the picture. Figure out logistics to make getting to know the girl you just met easier.

Having your phone with you can keep you company. While I’m waiting for things to get bumping I’ll text message people. Even if I don’t have anyone to text I’ll pretend I’m texting or just go through old messages. Another thing you can do is pretend you’re talking to someone on the phone (if you’ve no one to call). Strange I know, but if you’re uncomfortable with being alone at least this gives everyone the impression that you could be waiting for someone.

Getting a drink at the bar and/or chatting up random people (the bartender, barback, other patrons, the Dj, etc.) helps keep you from closing up before the night really gets going. Just try not to get drunk early!  Seriously, it’s a great idea to get yourself talking early on – it keeps you from getting too much into your head and worrying what other people may be thinking about you.  It’s also a great opportunity to get to know the key employees of the venue, especially the Dj and the doormen. Knowing them can make it easier to get into the venue in the future.  As an added bonues, you’ll have someone to talk to next time you’re there.

Avoid sitting down and closing yourself off, mentally and physically.  Mentally, don’t worry about people’s impression of you just because you may be alone. Chances are you’ll never see them again. They don’t know if you’ll be by yourself the entire night or if your entourage will be arriving in an hour. Physically, don’t be afraid to take up room especially if the club is still empty.  If you’re seated at a couch feel free to put your arm(s) on the back of the couch, slouch into the couch more, and even sit with your legs apart. Convey that you’re comfortable being alone.  But don’t sit there with your eyes closed – people may think you’re sleeping or rolling on something.

Arriving at a club early and by yourself can be an uncomfortable experience at first but it does get easier. Eventually you’ll get to a point where you can just grab a drink, take a seat, and chill out by yourself while you wait for the club to go off.

Got questions?  Drop me a comment and I’ll get back to you. Or if you have any suggestions for future topics, then leave a comment as well.

Do you know what can ruin a great outfit?  The wrong color socks – white socks to be more specific. Guys, if you’re going to put together a super fly outfit don’t goof it up by wearing white socks. Seriously, girls notice simple things like that.  Unlike men, women appreciate the details. So save the white socks for the gym.

Then what color socks should you wear? Play it safe and just wear black dress socks.  If you’re wearing blue jeans, then navy blue will work too. There are arguments that say your socks should match the color of your pants or shoes. Honestly, if you want to go through all that trouble be my guest. I prefer to keep it simple and avoid having to think too much about my footwear.

Now don’t run out and buy black, ankle high athletic socks and think you can wear them with a dope outfit. You can’t!  When you’re dressed to the nines you shouldn’t be showing any skin at your ankle and calf. Make sure your socks are pulled up and not sagging. If you need the cushion of sport socks, then you can wear them under a thin dress sock.

Have a sock specific question? Leave me a comment and I’ll get back to you.  Or if you have suggestions for future topics, then leave a comment as well.